Today’s topic is emotional maturity
Surah Al-Ḥadīd (57:23)
Meaning:
So that you do not grieve excessively over what has passed you by, nor exult arrogantly over what He has given you.
Because the Ahlul Bayt (ع) were not people who didn’t feel.
They felt deeply.
But their emotions never pulled them away from Allah.
Imam Ali (ع) gives us the foundation for emotional maturity when he says:
Never make promises when you are extremely happy,
and never make decisions when you are deeply sad.
And in another teaching, he explains who a believer truly is:
A believer is one who does not become excessive in joy
and does not collapse in grief.
Imam Ali (ع) is not telling us not to feel emotions.
He is teaching us not to decide while emotions are at their peak.
Emotions are real.
But emotions are temporary.
Wisdom lives in the pause.
Emotional maturity means that we allow ourselves to feel emotions,
we do not shame ourselves for feeling them,
but we do not make promises, decisions, or life-altering choices
while emotions are intense.
In simple words:
the heart is soft,
the mind is calm,
and the soul stays connected to Allah.
a believer’s heart is alive.
So Islam never taught us to become emotionally numb.
A soft heart is a sign of īmān.
But softness does not mean instability.
Here is something very important for us to understand.
As human beings, we have labeled emotions.
We say this is a good emotion and this is a bad emotion.
Happiness is labeled good.
Sadness is labeled bad.
Anger is labeled wrong.
Fear is labeled weak.
And once we label an emotion as bad,
we try to get rid of it quickly.
If someone is sad, we say,
“Don’t be sad.”
“Why are you sad all the time?”
“Be positive.”
“Distract yourself.”
And we think we are helping.
But what we are actually doing
is teaching the nervous system
that certain emotions are not safe to feel.
This is especially important for us as mothers, grandmothers,
aunts, and guardians.
When a child cries and we immediately say,
“Don’t cry,”
“You’re okay,”
“Stop being angry,”
“Don’t be sad.”
• “Why are you sad all the time?”
• “Be positive.”
• “Look at what you have.”
• “Distract yourself.”
. “there is nothing to be angry of”
we unintentionally teach them
that this emotion is wrong
and should be pushed away.
The child does not learn how to process emotions.
They learn how to hide emotions.
And hidden emotions do not disappear.
They grow quietly.
Psychology tells us something very clear:
an emotion that is dismissed does not resolve,
but an emotion that is named and felt does.
When emotions are not allowed to be felt,
they get stored in the subconscious,
and later they come out as anger, anxiety, overreactions,
or reactions we feel ashamed of afterward.
This is not because a person is bad.
It is because the emotion never got a chance
to finish its message.
When a child is sad, we often say:
“Don’t be sad.”
“Stop crying.”
What we can say instead:
“I see that you’re sad.”
“It makes sense that you feel this way.”
“I’m here with you.”
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When a child is angry, we often say:
“There’s nothing to be angry about.”
“You’re overreacting.”
What we can say instead:
“Something upset you.”
“Let’s understand what happened.”
“It’s okay to feel angry, we just don’t hurt.”
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When a child is scared, we often say:
“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“You’re fine.”
What we can say instead:
“I can see that you’re scared.”
“You’re safe right now.”
“Tell me what you’re feeling.”
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When a child is hurt or disappointed, we often say:
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You should be grateful.”
What we can say instead:
“That really mattered to you.”
“It’s okay to feel disappointed.”
“We can talk about it.”
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What we are doing with this gentle reframing is very powerful.
We are not encouraging weakness.
We are not encouraging drama.
We are teaching children to:
• name emotions
• feel them safely
• understand their message
• and then move through them
This is how emotional maturity is built.
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One Line That Changes Everything
You can say this slowly and let it land:
“We don’t need to fix our children’s emotions.
We need to help them understand them.”
Allah subḥānahu wa ta‘ālā did not create good emotions and bad emotions.
He created emotions.
Each emotion has a purpose.
Each emotion carries guidance.
Nothing Allah created is purposeless.
When an emotion is allowed to be felt fully,
without judging it or fighting it,
the body processes it,
the message is delivered,
and then the emotion naturally settles and leaves.
But when emotions are suppressed,
they return later as triggers.
Modern psychology tells us that emotions arise from a part of the brain that is designed to protect us, guide us, and teach us.
• Fear is there to protect us
• Anger is there to show us where boundaries were crossed
• Sadness is there to help us release loss
• Grief is there to help us reorganize life after change
• Joy is there to reinforce gratitude and connection
• Love is there to bond us and soften us
None of these emotions are bad.
They are messengers.
An emotion that is fully felt does not control us.
An emotion that is suppressed will.
And this is where the story of Bibi Fāṭimah al-Zahrāʾ (ع)
teaches us everything.
After the passing of the Prophet ﷺ,
her world changed forever.
The revelation had stopped.
The voice of her father was gone.
The world felt unfamiliar.
And yet, people noticed something unusual.
Bibi Fāṭimah (ع) did not speak much.
Not because she had nothing to say,
but because her grief was too deep for ordinary words.
She would wake up early, perform her prayers,
and then quietly leave the house.
She would go to the grave of her father ﷺ
and sit there—sometimes for a long time—
sometimes saying nothing at all.
No loud crying.
No public complaint.
No emotional outburst.
Just presence.
One day, Imam Ali (ع) gently asked her,
“O daughter of the Messenger of Allah,
why do you carry this grief alone?”
She replied,
“My sorrow is greater than the mountains.
If it were placed upon days, they would turn into nights.”
But then she said something extraordinary:
“I go to my father’s grave
so my heart may calm itself in obedience to Allah.”
She did not stop her feelings.
She did not suppress her grief.
She turned towards Allah.
She allowed herself to feel,
but she placed her emotions
where they belonged.
Bibi Fāṭimah (ع) teaches us
that emotional maturity does not mean you feel less.
It means you know where to take your feelings.
Now I want us to experience this, not just hear it.
If you’re comfortable, gently close your eyes.
Imagine a meter in front of you from zero to one hundred.
There is a needle showing how much you allow yourself to feel.
Think of happiness.
Notice where the needle stops.
Now gently allow it to reach one hundred percent.
Feel it fully.
Enjoy it.
Feel grateful.
Now think of sadness.
Notice where the needle stops.
Allow it to reach one hundred percent.
Feel it safely.
Now do the same for anger, grief, fear, love.
These are major human emotions.
An emotion that is fully felt does not control us.
An emotion that is suppressed will.
This brings us back to the wisdom of Imam Ali (ع):
never make promises when you are extremely happy,
and never make decisions when you are deeply sad.
Feel the emotion.
Understand the message.
Then act from clarity.
During the 0–100 activity, you can gently say:
• “Happiness carries the message of gratitude.”
• “Sadness carries the message of release.”
• “Anger carries the message of boundaries.”
• “Fear carries the message of awareness.”
• “Grief carries the message of love.”
• “Love carries the message of connection
O Allah, never leave us alone,
even for the blink of an eye.
Give us soft hearts, wise pauses,
and souls that always return to You.
May this month of Shabān awaken emotional maturity within us
through Muhammad ﷺ and the Ahlul Bayt (ع).
Wa ākhiru da‘wānā anil-ḥamdu lillāhi rabbil-‘ālamīn.
Allāhumma ṣalli ‘alā Muḥammadin wa āli Muḥammad.